the one with you written all over it

more adventurous

2009-06-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I ate two lawn snails for lunch. Although they tasted yummy, I kept thinking of the snails from Flushed Away.

camille's girls

2009-06-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

Went to see Camille Vivier's exhibition last Thursday, for the sake of entering the doorprize (AirFrance tickets, among others!), and of course as expected, when we want something too much, we'll only get disappointment.

But the photographs are all beautiful and the hors d'oeuvres are quite tasty, so it's not an entirely horrible evening.

more about Camille Vivier, here

30/12/2005 - just in time

2009-05-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

It was raining, so I decided to stay in. I turned on the TV and Before Sunset was on HBO. I've seen it for who knows how many times, I was about to switch to another channel, but a split second before I did, I decided that I want to watch this movie again.

And so I watched it. And as always, that car scene always made me want to cry. I never did, though.

And the things they talked about.

"Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the past."

"You wanna know why I wrote that stupid book?"
"Why?"
"So that you might come to a reading in Paris, and I go walk up to you and ask: 'Where the fuck were you?'"

"But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL!"

And the ending. Every time, I think about what could possibly happen after that last scene. Celine kept dancing to the Nina Simone song. Jesse kept watching her, showing no intention of leaving..

"Baby, you are gonna miss that plane!"

"I know.."

But a happy ending would ruin everything. They can't be together, they just can't. Maybe they'll spend another night together, but that's it. They had their chance in Vienna, and they blew it. Or rather, fate blew it for them. This second chance is more like a consolation prize, an extra snap in your film roll. There is no future for Jesse and Celine.

How I love sad endings.

pink is not my favorite color...

2009-04-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

...and I couldn't care less about flowers
And I hate sitting and waiting
While things could've been more exciting

til death do us part

2009-04-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

Yuri, you bastard. How could you abandon your pregnant wife, your son, and your uncle, just to be in the arms of that good for nothing Lara? You may save thousands of lives as a war doctor, but as a man.. I wouldn't even call you a man. Did you think of Tonya when you lie in bed next to Lara? Did you think of your uncle, who is kind enough to take you as his own child when you lost your parents, when you dared move into his house with your mistress? What's the point of marriage, really, when all men (or women) want are women (or men) they can't have.

picture from here

the wedding trip

2009-04-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago was my friend's wedding in Malang. We stopped by Yogya and Blitar along the way. The days are hot and humid, the afternoons are cloudy and sticky. It was the first time I spent approximately more than 3 nights sleeping aboard a perilously fast-moving bus and taking showers in public bathrooms (now that I think of it, it's quite gross). But somehow I managed, and had quite a great time (along with swollen ankles from sitting too much and walking too much at the same time).

Next trip, Surabaya!

ein, zwei, drei!

2009-04-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

this is quite something! :D :D :D

via http://soundnation.fr/

back on track

2009-03-24T05:19:00.000-07:00

Who would've guessed? One night, out of the blue, I went and re-compiled my portfolio. I kind of missed those damn plans, sections and elevations. And of course, adding those tiny people and trees for a presentation image. As of today, I'm officially bombarding every firm I could get my hands on with an application. Again.

ps. How geeky are these hatch t-shirts?? I want one in concrete, please.

human behaviors

2009-03-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered two TV series that momentarily made me miss Pushing Daisies less: Californication and The Big Bang Theory. The multitude of sex scenes on Californication is a bit off-putting (just a bit though, cause it's David Duchovny) and as for The Big Bang Theory, most of the time I couldn't understand what Sheldon was talking about (which ironically was what makes it so funny in the first place). So those things aside, I highly recommend both.

picture via here and here

...now my back aches and my room's a mess.

2009-03-11T04:23:00.000-07:00

Ever since I read this post by Sarah I can't stop thinking about painting my own shoes, and after much procrastinating, today's the day!

Copied the flower shape from an old bag. I actually like the unshaded version better, and it's less of a hassle to paint; too bad I didn't realize that earlier enough.

That red spot on the right shoe was a failed specimen, so I'm quite relieved I didn't paint a brand new Converse. And acrylic paint is a bit of a pain to work with! It dries almost instantly so that I had to mix the colors over and over again. This is definitely not as easy as it looks, ha ha. Maybe a lazy ass like me should stick to fabric markers (they come in pastel colors too!).

je me suis acheté un nouvel caméra

2009-03-05T02:46:00.000-08:00

I've been taking French intensive classes for the past three weeks. It's my third attempt at French after abandoning the last two classes halfway through, and I must say, the text book keeps getting better. Every single day we are absorbed into the world of Lucas, Sarah, Jérome, Fanny and Bertrand while they bicker, flirt, sing and dance throughout the book. I love listening to their cheeky accents, despite the fact that it still took me 2-3 times repetition until I fully understood what they were talking about.

And today after class, I accidentally got myself a mint condition secondhand Fuji Cheki 55i. It was sitting there on the display of an antique camera stall, and it was real cheap, and I couldn't resist. The film has to be ordered online though, and it's still another two weeks until they arrive.

take me to Korea, somebody,

2009-02-23T04:26:00.000-08:00

and give me plenty of Wons!

pictures from here and here

up in smoke and gone

2009-02-10T01:53:00.000-08:00

Her mailbox was always empty. Hers was a sad mailbox, for it never tasted the crisp white envelope of a freshly sent letter. Sad; and bored, for it never once saw the vibrant colors of postcards from distant or neighboring places. All she wanted was a piece of paper with a few words written on it. Something she could see and feel and keep and remind her that she's still here, and someone noticed. But it never came, anyway.

picture from here

sunday lazy sunday

2009-02-08T02:02:00.000-08:00

It's been raining and all I want is a cup of hot cocoa with semi-salted butter toast and watch The Reader and finish The Thirteenth Tale.

unemployment suits me well, I think.

shivers

2009-02-06T03:49:00.000-08:00

that part between 2:55 - 3:28 gets me every time.

shiny and new

2009-01-31T04:02:00.000-08:00

This girl just got back from her internship in Stuttgart, brought me Tour Eiffel 2009 Calendar and random postcards, "so you can remember how much you want to go to school there".

Hehe thanks a bunch dear, the crochet bag is waiting for you in Bandung :)

what long weekend?

2009-01-26T06:11:00.000-08:00

Had planned to stay the entire three days off at home, watching DVDs and sleeping. Instead, spent Saturday and Sunday out and about; and Monday.. let's just say Monday didn't go as planned too. I'm tired.

it seems I need to go on a vacation, fast

2009-01-20T00:51:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been to Los Roques? There, life is you, the sand, the sea, and the little tropical fishes. There, a typical morning is spent snorkeling, diving, and claiming your personal island for the day; followed by a typical afternoon on the beach watching the sun go down and coming home to one of the pastel-coloured posadas with a bowl of risotto waiting on the table. It's only you, the sea, and the fishes and seagulls.

picture from here and here

brides with boots

2009-01-15T19:20:00.000-08:00

Four of my friends are getting married this year (one already did on January 1st), and it's starting to get in my head for I spent the past two hours browsing wedding photography blogs. But this one is my favorite, by far.

the endless summer and your laugh

2009-01-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

M. Ward - Hold Time

picture via weheartit (forgot the original source, sorry)

a perfect day in Singapore

2009-01-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

08:00 Have breakfast at Casual Poet
10:00 Pick up some journals and sketchbooks at BooksActually
11:00 More stationery frenzy at .woodwould.. and Muji
13:00 Drop by Soon Lee and Hansel
15:00 Afternoon treat from Chocolate Research Facility

pictures from Casual Poet and BooksActually

today

2009-01-05T01:47:00.001-08:00

Today is just like any other. The only thing missing is the presence of a hand, squeezing back on mine each time we cross the road. Or sometimes, three squeezes. Our private ‘I miss you’.

Who am I kidding. It’s not just the hand. It’s the lips that have grown so familiar on mine, the hair, soft as a baby’s, the arms which I cling to at my tantrum times. I would complain and complain and complain, and he would listen, patting my arms with his free hand. Then he’d take me to our favorite restaurant, the one that started out big then everyone grew weary of and stopped visiting. The very reason we didn’t stop visiting. We’d order our usuals and he’d tell stories about our friends from school and soon enough I would forget what I was upset about in the first place.

Then, today is not just like any other.

their summer vacations

2009-01-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

I want my trip around the world.

2008-12-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

I want to stay in bed all morning. I want to talk about babies and chocolates and the pouring rain. And what we'll be having for lunch. I want to skip breakfast because the warmth from our tangling limbs are too comforting. I want the security of a shoulder, the stability of a slowly beating heart, and the strength of a reassuring voice, whispering closely to my ears. Bad things won't come our way, and I just want to stay.

picture via ffffound

this saturday

2008-12-19T21:45:00.000-08:00

picture via http://jrsrules.blogspot.com/

to the one I miss the most:

2008-12-17T22:22:00.000-08:00

creepy

2008-12-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

Cheating
To dream that you are cheating on your spouse, mate, or significant other, suggests feelings of self-guilt and self-betrayal. You may have compromised your beliefs or integrity and/or wasting your energy and time on fruitless endeavors. Alternatively, it reflects the intensity of your sexual passion and exploring areas of your sexuality. It is a reaffirmation of your commitment.

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. (taken from dreammoods.com)

picture taken from this flickr

come smell the sunlight on my skin

2008-12-13T06:25:00.000-08:00

What's this? Another vampire-human love saga?
Oh, it's an HBO tv series.
And there's blood in it, lots of blood.
Lots of obscene stuff too.
I never thought Southern accent could sound so appealing.
And country music never sounded this good!
Twilight? What Twilight?

j is for jou (you).

2008-12-08T06:24:00.000-08:00

I shamelessly asked to be tagged by Ochie for this post. She gave me a tough letter though.
Ten of my favorite things and people, starting with the letter J:

- Jakarta. Love it, hate it, it's always one or the other.

- July, Miranda. I think I'm not smart enough to thoroughly enjoy No One Belongs Here More Than You. Or maybe not heart-broken enough, because all her stories are simply heart-breaking. My favorite has to be 'Mon Plaisir'.

- Jane. Boo Conde Nast for cancelling this brilliant magazine.

- Jimbaran. I miss weekend seafood there, with the rolling waves and awful smoke and sand getting in my shoes. And the delicious, laughter-inducing oysters.

- Josh Rouse. Once upon a time I played 'Under Your Charms' on repeat for several days straight. And writing that down makes me want to do it again now.

- Jazz Merdeka. It was on August 18th 2006. It was eventful. "It was either that, or Boscha," so he said.

- Jellybeans. Love them. Hate them for being so expensive here.

- Junot Diaz. Currently reading 'Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao' and so far it's wonderful.

- Jacket. I have yet to find a reason to wear jackets in Jakarta. Air conditioners are cold, but not cold enough for an extra layer. I miss Bandung, and I miss wearing my red duffel-coat.

- January 15th. Is the due date for the post-graduate application. I better make my mind up soon.

artwork by Jen Corace, one of my favorite illustrationists whose initials, coincidentally, is also J.

tomorrow, probably

2008-12-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

Two ravens in the old oak tree
And one for you and one for me
And bluebells in the late December
I see signs now all the time

come Monday

2008-11-30T00:42:00.000-08:00

I don't think I ever fully appreciated the wonder of weekends, until now. Saturdays and Sundays are much more anticipated, and I get that elated feeling on Friday afternoons, clearing my desk early and hitting the streets before rush hour. Then, sleeping late and waking up the next morning to tiny strips of sun through the blinds, only to kick off my blanket and sleep again.

On these special days nothing is rushed. I can have burnt toast for breakfast, instead of the usual barely tan slices on regular days. I can shower for hours, washing off the weekday grimes with my favorite chocolate scrub, and rinsing with cold, cold water. And I can make long, lingering phone calls, while snuggling to Spongebob, my temporary substitute.

But now, it's already Sunday afternoon. And I also never fully noticed how weekends end so soon, until now.

I want a house without the bills

2008-11-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

I love theselby.com, where everyone looked so happy and trouble free and have cute babies and terrific artworks on their wall.

my baby #2

2008-10-28T02:48:00.000-07:00

Not sure where I'm going to wear it to, and not caring.
They're just such a joy to look at. *sigh*

two hours away

2008-10-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

It hasn't sink in yet, but I'm sure going to miss college. And everyone I met there. And everything I did there. And yeah, I wish I could do it all over again.

oh wow, lovely

2008-10-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

If you like, or can tolerate any of the following:

- Cute young British actors with cute British accents
- Excessive swearing, obscene party scenes and semi-nudity
- Ridiculous teenage drama which revolves around friendship, family, love triangles, drug abuse and mental disorders

Or if you're just plain bored of Gossip Girl and need to add a little more flavor to your straight and happy life, you definitely must watch Skins. Like, totally.

PS. Maxxie Maxxie Maxxie! :D

leaving soon

2008-10-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

doctor's orders

2008-10-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I love Grey's Anatomy? I love having season marathons, curling up under my blanket and completely lose myself to the emotional joyride that is the (love) lives of these doctors. I love that somehow it's always a bit sad, even in the happiest episodes. I don't think any tv show has made me cry this much before. I cried over Izzie and Denny, I cried over Meredith and Derek, and Cristina and Burke, and the chief and his wife, and George and Izzie, and Izzie and Alex, and the random couple whose husband's illness made him lose his mind and blurt out only the meanest and most honest thing to his wife.. Oh yes I cried, and it felt so good.

I think a part of the show that's responsible for this sappy behavior is the songs. For example, from the fifth season's pilot; Other Lives' Black Table made Derek's death scene a hundred times more devastating, and convincing (of course he didn't actually die). Yes, avid Grey's Anatomy viewers covet Alexandra Patsavas' (music producer? supervisor?) song selection, and I am right in line. She had, however, introduced me to Josh Rouse, and more recently, Bon Iver, so I hope she doesn't retire soon.

As for the new season, I must say it's quite an awesome pilot episode, and the music did not disappoint; I was entirely and absolutely indulging in the turmoils with my trusty wad of tissue by my side. And after cleaning up the mess, I found this blog, who has kindly uploaded all the songs from the pilot. Perfect.

what to do

2008-10-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe I would be just as happy. Maybe even happier. Maybe the sun wouldn't sting as sharp, maybe I wouldn't mind.

But am I ready to give it all up yet?

photo from that last trip to Dreamland

which one?

2008-10-08T00:56:00.001-07:00

Reading Didi's recent shoe-raving blog post, I just couldn't resist. I'm thinking of getting the light brown one. But then I'm thinking of getting the blue one. But the dark brown would go with almost everything I own.

And there's the dilemma of the week of my shallow life (awaiting graduation, oh no oh no).

favorite things of late

2008-10-07T21:46:00.000-07:00

New seasons of my two most favorite tv shows: Grey's Anatomy and Pushing Daisies. I've only just watched the first episodes of the two. Been scouring the internet for more episodes to no avail. So right now I resort to watching Skins online.

the first trip

2008-09-21T22:03:00.000-07:00

I have been lusting over Smena 8M for a couple of months now. I love its hazy and dreamy ambience, and especially the cross-processed effects. I was even willing to spare some money for the film and the development if the photos came out just as beautiful.. But since I have insufficient funds to obtain one at the moment (it costs nearly IDR 1 million, sigh), I played around with my mother's old camera. It's an Olympus Trip, and after consulting the world wide web about it, I found out that it's quite a favorite among 35mm camera users. It has its very own flickr group, and its photo pool has quite interesting pictures. (all photos respective of their owners)

Flowers and Seattle Public Library. Coincidentally two of my favorite things.

As predicted, my first roll was a disappointment. I was being super hasty and wanted to finish it off in one day, confident about the slight lack of lighting in our studio, and most of the pictures came out dark and grainy. Next time I'll only shoot outdoors and make sure I carry the flash with me.

lost wisdom

2008-09-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

Listen to Mount Eerie. Listen to the clean and simple guitar picks and strums. Listen to the quiet and haunting voices of Phil and Julie. Sing along, 'What do I want with my life now that you're gone?' and 'I saw your picture out of nowhere and forgot what I was doing.' and 'I know nothing now that I know you.' and see if you can manage to get the words out of your head.

Listen to Mount Eerie, and imagine watching the world in fast forward and there's no differentiating sunrise from sunset, and you start confusing sleeping from waking. There's not enough time for hope, and like a nature documentary where flowers bloom and wither in seconds, lovers' warm embrace easily turn to cold stares. Or how unnecessary social graces are. Or how you say goodbye in the blink of an eye.

Listen to Mount Eerie and celebrate all the could-have-beens, and how you wished you couldn't remember how it is to be forgotten.

dance dance dance

2008-09-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure that no one I know now would believe me if I tell them I used to take ballet lessons. It was 1994, and it's the excessive exposure to Mari-Chan comic books which led me to persuade my grandmother to go to a rather well known dance company for children ballet class. I loved the lessons to bits. I always tried to impress the teacher (Miss Ati, she was called) by executing the perfect foot positions, leaping as high as I could, and keeping my back as straight and chin as high as possible.

I performed once, along with everyone else in the class. We were the opening acts for an annual dance performance. It was held in Taman Ismail Marzuki, and it was quite a big deal. I remembered the music (Radetzky March), the inch thick stage make-up, and the blue tutu we wore, and how ugly it is compared to the senior class' powdery glittery pink frock. I loved those stiff frocks, how they bounced when the dancers ran and twirled, and how they bloomed in full circle when the dancers leaped across the stage.

But most of all, I loved the point shoes they wore (perhaps I still do). I loved watching those grown-up dancers, already in their pretty pink frock and pretty inch-thick make up, lacing up their point shoes, weaving each satin bow across the other on their slim stockinged legs. And when they warm up, they would stand on the tips of their toe, flexing their feet on the barre. It was mystifying, for the eight year old me, how they could easily spring on their toes once they've put on those shoes. I yearned to wear those pointed shoes one day, strutting on the studio's wooden floor, leaving loud thumping sounds behind me, believing I could do any piroutte, jette, grand jette, or whatever, with them on.

I never did, though. For my grandmother, who was always rather obsessed in turning me into a child prodigy, signed me up for a piano class as well as drawing lessons, thinking there's only so much a girl would want to do in her spare time. It turned out I wasn't prodigy material in the first place, and I wanted to spend my spare time playing with my neighbors, and going to Dunia Fantasi, and camping with the girlscouts from school. Ballet classes turned into a chore I refused to finish, and so the dancing days are over.

I still have a thing for ballet, though. The graceful twirls and turns never fail to overwhelm me, what with the fully orchestrated music, lavish costumes and extravagant stage set. And just the other day, having nothing better to do (except for a motherlode of deadlines, that is), I decided to indulge in a little Nutcracker and Sleeping Beauty. Wondering, what if I didn't quit, thirteen years ago.

I'm almost done I swear

2008-09-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Somehow it's darn difficult to upload photos to Facebook using the Java uploader, and I'm too lazy to upload each and every one of them using the simple uploader, so I made a couple of pictures thrown into one, and here is one of them.

As much as I seem to dislike Bali from my last post, well, I overreacted! Haha. How can anyone not love it there?

*photo captions from top left:
- some Pura we visited, Taman Ayun was it?
- Yessie and Fetty at some cafe in Ubud, cheap price terrible taste
- some branches in Taman Ayun
- Me and Yessie on our desk while the boss is out
- lunch break with rantang @ Kuta beach
- the crochet bag for Didi ( and myself, hehe )
- Karin digging sandhole for Yessie on her birthday. A fruitless attempt :(
- bocah kegirangan :p

october, november

2008-08-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder about the six months to come.

But then I get too excited, and guilty afterwards.

How can one be fair to one's dreams and reality?

the last couple of days

2008-08-20T01:33:00.000-07:00

Somehow too tired to think of where to go next, and too broke to spend money carelessly, I spent the remaining days between kuta and jimbaran. the office, home, and occasionally the shopping strip in Legian-Seminyak. We're counting the days, alright..

I'm quite happy to leave this place! I can not and will not live here if ever there's a chance to. This island, for me, is strictly a holiday destination. I can't imagine living here, where DVDs cost 10,000 rupiahs, where food costs twice than the average price, where even the air is prone to tan your skin! And even worse, I can't imagine working here, while everything reeks of 'vacation' and you're stuck behind your desk, knowing people out there are clad in bathing suits and flip-flops, enjoying the sun. I think six weeks is enough time to:

- Break my camera, again.
- Get sunburnt, which is inevitable, but not desirable
- Go to Ubud the first four weekend in a row
- Crack the rear car lamp and dent the front bumper, which is unintentional, really. I was just emotionally triggered by that time.
- Not lose any weight, whereas my goal while living in Bali is to fit into an M-sized swimsuit. Haha.
- Overdose on patchwork Batik!
- Get my SIM card blocked due to overlimit due to long distance phone calls to Bandung. Hahaha.

And besides, I can't wait to try out my next destination, starting October. And hopefully by that time I've already determined where my next next destination will be.

shipwreck

2008-05-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

My 'rented' room is one small cluttered space. You can find unexpected things in unexpected places. There's everything everywhere, coins, bobby pins, shopping receipt, hair elastic, miscellaneous cords, you name it. I cleaned, alright, but it only lasted two days. It's just so hard for me to put things back to the place where they belong.

waiting for My Love

2008-05-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

It started when I stumbled upon this trailer on Studio Ghibli's website. I was immediately taken by the astounding visuals; it's like watching Renoir's paintings come to live! The colours are soft and subtle, and each scene blend seamlessly into the next.. It's probably the most romantic animated film I've ever seen.

Simply titled 'My Love', the film was nominated for the 2008 Oscars for short animation, and it's hand-painted on glass, frame by frame, by Alexander Petrov, whom as it turned out, is widely known for this meticulous technique. He did a couple of other short animations, and they're quite wonderful, really.

You can watch My Love (or Moya Lyubov) on YouTube, but the English subtitle isn't complete, and the grainy video quality didn't do justice to this piece of art. I'm in the process of downloading it in parts, and though it gets frustrating (I keep getting disconnected from Rapidshare, damn), I know it's well worth it.

>>edit: I just couldn't wait for the downloads to finish and gave in and watched it on YouTube. Due to the sparse English subtitles, I couldn't understand half of what the dialogues meant, and it kind ruined the mood for the entire film. And yes, as predicted, the low video quality also ruined it. Hhhh. Back to Rapidshare, I guess.

all pictures are from ghibli-museum.jp

the one that didn't fit

2008-05-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

wouldn't it be wonderful if you could just Photoshop everything in real life? then I could free transform these shoes to be 1 cm longer and 1 cm wider, then clone the layers then adjust the hues, then end up with four pairs of t-bar shoes that fit. one can only dream.

let's get lost

2008-05-22T06:32:00.000-07:00

Half an hour of trying to find this little library. Twenty minutes to find the book that we needed (post-modernism for my German-lit major friend and cultural center today for me). About an hour of sitting around drinking self-made coffee and checking out the wonderful selection of films. Another hour wasted by chatting and smoking (my friend) on the front porch. And only ten minutes of getting back to the familiar streets of our mundane life.

twenty-one

2008-05-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

I like spicy food. He can't stand even a dash of chili. We couldn't be more compatible.

these are a few of my favorite things

2008-05-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

clockwise from top:

mr crabs - has got tear stains that fortunately only shows in harsh lighting.
red shoes - I plan to wear this on my final project presentation. it's not too obnoxious, right?
red bag - a club monaco from my favorite, most cheapest place to shop.
ex-chocolate box - now holds my embroidery threads, I used to make friendship bracelets and sell them at a ridiculous price. People bought it, but not anymore, sadly.

and no, red is not my favorite color.

why architecture internship in France is ridiculously underpayed

2008-05-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have no exact idea why, actually. Because France is more famous for its croissants and its fashion-capital? Because the only starchitect coming from France is Jean Nouvel? Because architecture firms in France are struggling with hardships of their own, a.k.a stepping out of Nouvel's shadows? Because they didn't expect internship applicants from outside France who needs more than 300 euros a month to make ends meet?

Whatever it is, 30% of the minimum wage for internship 'incentive' is too cruel, really.

photo from here

I let a good thing go

2008-05-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

My tired eyes
are like
lonely stars
trying to find a little
order in the chaos

So I take a bus ride
in the afternoon
you all look so happy, and me,
I'm barely hanging on

This is what you do to me

Drag myself out on
to the floor
trying to find a little chaos in the order

So I take a bus ride
past your house every day
you never fully leave me
but you, you never fully stay

This is what you do to me

-from The Hollow of Morning, 2008

Gemma Hayes reminds me of three years ago. I was silly and fixated and foolish. But if that's what it takes to be introduced to such wonderful music, I guess it's not that bad.

so that's how it is

2008-04-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

I just have to say this. It's a bit unfair, don't you think. Showing up whenever you want however you want. Then vanishing the next day, without explanation or excuse. It made me feel like a left over lunch, half-eaten and not wanted anymore. And you didn't necessarily threw me in the bin. You just left me in the open air, wondering, whether today you'll come back and greet me again.

I just have to say this. This isn't about what it was about before. It's just what I call manners.

2008-04-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

Figure drawing is tricky. I am especially weak for the nose.
And because I can't sketch fast enough for a live model, I resort to online models
Namely those from my favorite blogs. And this is one of them.

http://elinkan.blogg.se

country life

2008-04-26T23:33:00.001-07:00

you know how I love pointless conversations
we can talk about what's for dinner all day long
sit on the couch and I'll hold your weary hand
then we listen to pretty tunes by folk-rock bands

-Angus & Julia Stone is my new-found favorite

counting down

2008-04-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

I stayed awake for all the wrong reasons.

2008-04-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

After all I've done
You just didn't think much of me
I got your note 'bout the sun
I'll try to get out more often

But I was just along for the ride
I tried to keep my hands inside
but you fed my curious side
leaving me out in the wild
the wild

And I know it's your right
to think what you will about me
I connect with the night.
I've never tried to ignore it

But I was just along for the ride
I tried to keep my hands inside
but you fed my curious side
leaving me out in the wild
the wild

I tried with calling out your name
but your night is two weeks away, hey hey hey

I tried with calling out your name
but your night is two weeks away, hey hey hey

The Wild, Kristofer Astrom

Wonderful news.

2008-04-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

I asked for it when I voluntarily typed that age-old address and clicked 'go'. I asked for it when I read every single post, every single funny clever silly sad post in that age-old web page. And when I finished I wonder. When will I stop?

consequence

2007-09-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight he looked handsome, as usual. Greeting everyone, fooling around with his buddies. Taking snapshots with his old Lumix. Smiling as he noticed me across the room. Tonight he didn't rush in my direction. Tonight a polite smile would do.

And he's being nice to everybody. Helping with the dishes, sharing his lasagna with a friend, just being decent. And I couldn't stand seeing him shining brighter than ever. Brighter without me.

The word 'us' might never have existed in his universe.